I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
