Define "chronic" masturbator.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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