I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
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It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
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Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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