I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
So many bounce houses so little time
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
