I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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