he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
