Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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