I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
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she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
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I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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