I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
