Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
