she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
