Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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