New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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