Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
