You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I am in a vortex of obligation.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
