I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
