i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
