Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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