My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
