I just threw up on my dentist
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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