How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
