i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize