$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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