I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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