there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
