i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
