soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
