I look better un-naked...
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
