So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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