a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
