boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
