so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
