she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My feet surprised me
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
