Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
