I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
