so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
