I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
