Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
