Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
