The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
