I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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