I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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