just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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