I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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