Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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