Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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