I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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