I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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