i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
