I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
