Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
