I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
