I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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