The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
