my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
