I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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