Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
