hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
