i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
