i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just invented taco cereal.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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