I'm gonna have a badass scar
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
well, you know. whores of a feather.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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