I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
