why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
